1 post tagged “security theatre”

Domestic flights in the UK used to be convenient, fairly priced and fast. Now they're hugely inconvenient, almost to the point that driving would be quicker and less hassle. Obviously if we had a reasonable Train service from Cornwall to London that would be preferably to flying for more than just the lack of environmental impact.

Anyway here I am at (nowhere near) Newquay Airport at 6 AM and I'm fed up within 10 minutes of getting here - I checked in (no queue, thank Krishna for small mercys), answered some pointless 'security' questions, threw away my obviously safe 500ml bottle of Coke after taking a few mouthfuls (because even if I drank 400ml, it wouldn't be safe because of all the dangerous "Air") of course I could have internally carried any high explosive (complete with anything required) internally and because I'm white and middle class would never (and have never) been fully searched - heck I could have had it strapped around my waist and nobody would have spotted it this morning.

Now I'm "airside" which means that I have no cold drink and the cafe that I asked about before checking in, is naturally unstaffed, I'm very tempted to just help myself to some breakfast and wedge a fiver in the till with a note saying what a pain in the arse they are.

At 7AM the cafe finally opens, and I'm able to get an overpriced vending machine coffee labelled as "Latte" (A Latte is foamed milk and espresso - there is no added water), it's instantly recognisable as the same mix of powdered milk, hot water, more hot water and coffee (certainly not espresso) that I drank huge ammounts of when we lived in the maternity / neonatal ward of Treliske Hospital for a few weeks.

I hate hate hate Travelling to london these days... ah the planes landed time to go.

On the return journey, I discovered even more inconvenience - God I hate gatwick - The 20 minute journey from Train Platforms to the other terminal, the inane posters about how neither 1L, 500ml or 250ml are less than 100ml, even if you remove 99% of the content and how they are a danger to aircraft, and how it's all for our 'security', the simply idiotic x-raying of shoes (Richard Reid had fuses visible on his shoes - if the security guards were doing their jobs he would never have got on the plane, what's more even if the fuse was hidden he was stopped by the people on the plane, 4 words Horse, Door, Bolted, After), the fuss caused when the lady in front of me passing through neglected to seperate her deadly lipstick and make up (not that it was inspected, it could easily have been 250g of C4). Then there was the 5 minute between being my gate being announced and it closing (the gate itself naturally being a 10 minute walk from the terminal), the overpriced food and drink - the way that it's impossible to actually eat a hot meal in any of the restaurants in the terminal if you are travelling on a domestic flight because you have 90 mins from checkin opening til gate closing in which to check in, get through security, find a restaurant, order your food, eat it, pay the bill, and walk 10 to 20 minutes to the gate.

grrrh hate hate hat